Here is another gem for ya that’s going straight into my “based on real-life comedy archives”.
I came in for a laser hair removal appointment. The lady who does my treatments handed me a document to sign about Covid safety measures etc. Here is a line that tickled my curiosity (I was asked to put my initials next to it):
“You will keep a distance of 6 feet and there will be no physical contact (shaking hands etc) from me or staff.”
Me: …??? But you’re gonna touch my legs… how are you gonna perform laser on me at a 6 feet distance from my body?
Her: You know, it’s the new regulations that we have to follow. If you don’t feel safe, we can reschedule.
Me: Oh no, I feel perfectly safe. I just want to know what is this new technology that was developed while we were in lockdown that does laser hair removal at a 6 feet distance from the patient…
Her: [silence]
Me: [silence… as I dive into the depths of my imagination trying to picture her applying cooling gel onto my lower legs with a 6 feet long stick].
Her: [putting my signed document away and never questioning why I’m wearing a 60’s style thin silk headscarf on my face that keeps shifting and covers only my bottom lip]. Ok, we can start now.
Long story short, I almost feel scammed because there was no new technology and she touched my legs like before.
I dunno about you but maybe Trudeau should invest a few more million dollars into “6 feet long sticks”.
Some useful local business and commercial applications for such sticks may include but are not limited to:
– 💆♀️ relaxing back massages by registered massage therapists,
– 💅hair combing and highlighting, and creative nail painting at beauty salons,
– 🕺a “new reality” 6 feet long backscratcher to be sold at Dollarama, an ideal present for all your friends who like to suck up to people in power,
– 👩🏫 a 6 feet long “new reality teacher’s helper” device that would help a middle school teacher adjust the mask on a young student’s face from a safe distance,
– 🙊 a 6 feet long “new reality pleasure” device for all the responsible individuals who followed the government’s advice to use glory holes for sex during pandemic and are now looking for even safer options. (“A 6 feet treat for the clit” could be one of the taglines.)
As you can see, we can avoid a recession if we invest more money into products that could benefit our businesses for years to come.
You can thank me later.
Photo of many long thick sticks aka trees from Kuala Lumpur, to attract attention before I seriously consider patenting the 6 feet long sticks products, become filthy rich from securing a government contract, and running away into the sunset with some handsome fella who owns a stick factory.
Fashion trendsetting styles on Gawker
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No debet cotidieque sit. Usu lobortis philosophia ex, nostro maiestatis eum no. Ad pro latine comprehensam. Pri quis erant laudem an, et vix propriae omnesque delicatissimi. Ei pro autem quidam perpetua. No debet cotidieque sit. Usu lobortis philosophia ex, nostro maiestatis eum no. Ad pro latine comprehensam. Pri quis erant laudem an, et vix propriae omnesque delicatissimi.u00a0